A Blank Space
by Porn Yesterday
Summary: One's musings after a climaxing beginning to an inevitable end. A collection. Drabbles. Possible SLASH.
1. A Blank Space

_A Blank Space_

**_Toya_**

( i )

"Please Toya, I want this." Aya gasps softly, moving my hands along her side and watching me hesitantly.

A groan escaped my mouth, and I brushed my hands along Aya's smooth thigh. Who was I to turn away from Aya? We knew we both wanted it, and it would be impossible for me to let her go now.

"Forgive me Aya," I whisper into her ear, and slowly push myself into her. Aya breaths in harshly and tightens her grasp on my back. "I'm sorry, the pain will go away soon enough, I promise." Aya nods stiffly underneath me, and I take hold of her small hands and hold them up over her head.

I move at a slow pace, knowing I'm conflicting enough pain on Aya even at this pace. But...she feels so good, slick and willing, while her hurried breath caresses the side of my neck, seductively. Still keeping her arms in my grasp, I slowly drop butterfly kisses across her face and slowly down her neck. Aya moans and arches her back, struggling to arch in closer to me, and meet me with every push.

"No don't Aya...just relax, I'll make you feel good." I take her lips with mine, and ravage her slowly, successfully deterring her attention away from the hurried pace and having her moan and groan under pleasure. Her lips are soft and sweet, and having her here with me seems to make everything better.

I could feel my pleasure mounting, and the build between us growing, knowing that our climax was nearing. I pushed in and out, moaning roughly, with every push, having her surround me, hot and tight.

"Toya..." Aya strained out, lightly nipping at my earlobe.

I looked down and found Aya's stare, glazed with passion and wanting. I leaned down on her and slowly kissed her, taking her bottom lip and chewing it so that Aya writhed in pleasure, from the slow but mounting joining, and everything else that came with it.

"Let go Aya," Aya struggled in trying to get her arms out of my grasp, but I held her tightly down. "I'll follow you; I want to see you pleased." Aya sighed and I felt her walls tighten around me, and suddenly she burst in ecstasy, gasping and moaning, writhing in my touch. I kissed her hard, and felt myself spilling over inside of her, I groaned with the pleasure she brought, and loosened my grip on Aya.

Everything was silent.

Not a word was spoken between us.

There was no need.

We both seemed to relish in what we had just did.

The sound of heavy breathing was all that surrounded us, wrapping around our entwined naked bodies.

Aya turned towards me and leaned her head against my chest. I smoothed the top of her head, lightly fingering the tendrils of soft and silky hair. I could feel her warm and even breathing against me, and knew she had fallen asleep. It was fine with me. Having her beside me right now was enough.

But...

This wasn't right.

It never was right.

Me and her.

Look at the danger I always seem to put her through. Even with Ceres, I, Toya, seem to make everything worse for her. I don't want her tormented by my suffering. If only she wouldn't worry for me as much...

Worry for yourself only Aya.

You're the one who's being put through all this because of Ceres and the Hokage family.

Why do you love me even?

I don't feel worthy of you.

I'm supposed to keep you safe, that's my job.

But I never do...

You always seem to get hurt either way, damnit!

I love you Aya, I truly do.

But, even though I try my hardest, it never seems to be enough.

And after this...

Ugh, how can I not want you even more?

You're beautiful.

Not just on the outside but on the inside too, Aya.

Do you know that you're the one thing that keeps me going?

If it wasn't for you,

By now I'd be dead, I'm certain.

How can you love someone who has no past though?

Someone who barely knows their self?

As much as I wonder though, I'm thankful still.

Keep me in your clutch Aya, and never let me go.

For there may be a time when I may let you go...

But know this,

I love you, and not all is what it seems.

If it were so, life wouldn't be as it is.

There was a time Aya, when I thought that Yuhi, a man who seems to love you also, was better off for you. I thought he'd be able to protect you and there would be no need of you being tormented over his account. I was so close to giving up on you and letting you go to that karate-chopsticks cook.

How I regret those times though.

I mustn't lie to you though, there are still a few times, when my mind seems to drift back to those thoughts.

I keep you as mine.

My love.

My one.

My past is all empty, for there is nothing to remember, but you, Aya; I want to create a future with you in it.

I'm willing to take it as it is.

Have you in my arms.

Have your sweet lips on mine.

Have you be the one, who lays underneath me, writhing as you did, for such a joining.

Your smile.

Your happiness that spreads on out to me.

But, also your sorrow, something I plan on taking away.

Killing your demons that come to make you endear pain.

Past-

A blank space.

( i )

**end note: **How was it? Hope you didn't mind it, R&R and tell me how it was, constructive criticism accepted also...so no worries :)


	2. Eternal Bliss

_Eternal Bliss_

**_Aogiri Suzumi_**

( ii )

Oh, Kazuma,

How I miss you!

That once always smiling, happy smile of yours. Always on your face as if knowing something I didn't know, teasing me playfully but also mercilessly in the best of ways.

How long has it been?

A year and always counting…

But why?

Why I ask you!

Of all the people who were and still are worthy of dying…

It was you, who in the end ultimately had to go.

Oh love,

We had so much to go for us.

From our always blossoming love to…

Just why!

To our…our…

Our lovely bo-

bo…

Must I lose everything, before I finally realize!

But, tell me,

tell me what is it that I had and still have to realize?

Why did I have to go through that dreary raining day, when it finally hit me. It finally hit me and mauled me over ruthlessly, the fact.

The fact…

that-

you

were

gone…

They carried you out solemnly, and oh how I wanted to scream and yell out to them.

"_Let my husband go! He's alive! You've mistaken him for someone else, he's alive…I swear!"_

But…I was wrong, and I've learned that the hard way.

_  
The deafening crunch of metal…and bones._

Still though, it doesn't hurt to pray and hope,

Everyday

For both you and our unborn child,

How I would've loved to hold the baby close.

Bobo's warm murmurings against my milk-laden breasts.

Soft, small hands and feet to touch and tickle.

Pure, innocent, and the first few smiles brought on from baby…

I must stop.

_  
A small dead form instilled in a warm, soft belly._

It still hurts me.

Having to lose both of you,

One after the other,

A ruthless game of death:

Followed by another.

You haven't only hurt me though,

Your brother Yuuhi too.

He's the reason why I'm still here to think these thoughts, and muse of the both of you and still be able to smile through all of my knowing.

The knife…

_  
The sharp, glistening edges of the knife, a sliver of metal and silver against my own pale hands, clenched desperately at it's handle._

The bright, red blood…

"_No stop!" Someone's hoarse yell._

_  
Jerking and writhing in my own clutch, brought on and wrestling viciously against me and the knife, other hands bringing themselves to take the knife away from my own._

"_Let go!" My own, desperate cry._

_  
A frantic wrench of the knife from my hands._

_  
A careless swipe of the sharp edge of the knife._

_  
A stifled moan of pain from someone beside me._

_  
Brushes of blood, flowing freely from the wrist of a clasped fist._

_  
Connected to an arm._

_  
An arm connected to a shoulder._

_  
A shoulder connected to a neck._

_  
A neck connected to a head._

The head- 

_  
The head of Yuuhi,_

_  
A stern Yuuhi,_

_  
Eyebrows furrowed, _

_  
Eyes glowering at my own forlorn form._

_  
Bright, red blood dripping onto the floor._

It was his words, his furious but also desperate-filled words, that changed me, changed my look on death and what I would do.

_"You can't do this!" _

_  
"He wouldn't want you to do this!" _

_  
"He'd want you to live!" _

_  
"He was my brother too, I loved him and I miss him also!" _

Truly, age doesn't determine a wise-man,

I being nine years his senior…

And still, even he knew things I didn't!

I thank him, and from the beginning I have promised you that I would and _will _love him as my own brother. I don't only do it because of the promise, but because I love him, and I _want _to be his sister, blood or not!

_  
Eternal Bliss, _

but a woman can still love her dead husband and unborn child…

( ii )

**end note:**I've only read up to volume nine for the manga series of Ceres, but-I've finally been able to watch -all- of Ayashi No Ceres, Chinese version-english subtitles of course :All Hail subtitles: It was so sad, and it was fun seeing the scenes and parts from the manga that I've read, one specific part they didn't include, but besides that very good. I must be honest though, I cried -A lot- when it came to watching all of this, nine hours straight-I had a snow day for my High school that's why! ; I won't give away any spoilers to those who haven't seen it yet, or don't know what I'm talking about-but the new few chapters I'll be writing up, they may be a spoiler in themselves, so I'll warn you in the chapter, beforehand-just in case :Y'never know: It inspired me what can I say! And with these reviews too, I thought 'hmm', and would be nice of ya to R&R of course, all criticism constructive or not is welcome, but any flames or anything bad to be said, please don't-I'd rather not, just don't review at all if that's the case.

Til' next chapter (-.-)/


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